Red Queen
by Dr-Lovekill
Summary: When Dib learns the truth about evolution, and our inevitable selfextinction, will he still want to save the earth? Sciencebased. Zim sounds alot like Ian Malcom in this one. Please R
1. Chapter 1: The Beginning of a Revelation

Red Queen

Invader Zim Fanfiction By DrLovekill

Rated T+

What about human kind is worth saving? When Dib actually sits down and talks with Zim, he is faced with this question. All evolutionary tracks come to an end, and perhaps it is so for homo sapiens. Perhaps the Irkens really are the new dominant organism. Or are they? Slightly OOC for Zim and Dib. I didn't mean it at first, but Zim kind of sounds like Ian Malcom from Jurassic Park in this one. Based on actual biological theory! Huzzah! Read on for more Michael Crichton-like science rhetoric!

Chapter 1: The Beginning of a Revelation

Dib sat nervously on the plush, yet beat up sofa in Zim's house. He had long dreamed of gaining access to this place, yet now, the fourteen year old boy genius wished he were somewhere else. Okay, so years of pursuing the paranormal had led him to this point. So months of spying on Zim, harassing Zim, and plotting on Zim had finally led to him actually being invited here. Still, something didn't sit right with Dib. He felt as if he were about to be show something he'd rather NOT see.

"Dib-monkey," Zim had said earlier. "I realize now that you're just not going to stop. You've been a formidable enemy since I landed on this filthy ball of dookie. You've ruined every one of my ingenious plans so far."

"And I'll keep ruining them, Zim." Dib had replied confidently. "until you give up and leave Earth alone." Zim had sighed.

"Dib, I want you to come to my base tonight. I think it's time we call at least a temporary truce, and I show you the truth." He turned and began walking away. "Be there at seven."

"Truth?" Dib asked. "What truth? Zim?" But he had just kept walking.

Now Dib sat, waiting on Zim, and this mysterious truth. He didn't have to wait long, as Zim entered the room through a high tech lift that had been disguised as a section of floor. The child-sized green alien wore no disguise, and his red eyes shone in the light of the room. With those red eyes, he stared at dib studiously for a moment, as if trying to come to a decision. Finally, he spoke.

"I suppose you want to know the truth behind it all, huh?" Zim asked. Dib looked at him confoundedly. "About life, I mean. About the meaninglessness of placing emphasis on something as fleeting as a dominant specie." Dib though he understood now.

"Don't tell me you brought me here to try to justify your trying to take over the world, alien scum, 'cause it's not gonna work." Zim held up a hand, and Dib fell silent.

"Maybe," Dib thought, "I do wanna see where this is going."

"No, Dib." Zim said. "If you listen, I won't have to justify anything." He smiled slightly.

"What do you know about dinosaurs?"

"Well," Dib replied. "They were animals that were the dominant creatures on Earth for 140 million years. People thought they were cold blooded, like reptiles but new evidence says..."

"They were warm-blooded." Zim said matter-of-factly. "And they were the dominant specie. Do you know why they died?"

"The most famous theories say it was a meteor or a climate change."

"That's how. Do you know why?" Zim asked. Dib looked confused. Zim sighed. "Okay, the big ice-age was the gun that killed them. Who do you think pulled the trigger?"

"I guess it was nature."

"Right. Now why?"

"They couldn't adapt."

"Yes. Dinosaurs were the product of millions and millions of years of evolution. Because of that, they were adapted to their world. Specifically to their world. To be a dominant specie on any world, an organism must be better than all of the other organisms. Bigger, faster, stronger. It ends up being a genetic arms race between several groups of organisms as to who is going to be the king for a day."

"But how is that so bad?" Dib asked. "I mean Jeez, look around, Zim. Humans have been advancing for a million years or so, and look at how far we've gotten."

"But how far can you go?" Zim asked. "The dinosaurs were unchallanged for 140 million years. But being that specialized has drawbacks. Deadly ones."

"Like?"

"Bacteria were among the first organisms on your planet. Think of how simple they are. Little one celled things that live anywhere. Everywhere. They can live in almost any environment, from the depths of the oceans, to the inside of youe mouth, to a can of beans. They are simple. They are unspecific as to the type of environment they need, and the food they need to live. That's how they've been able to remain almost unchanged for hundreds of millions of years."

"You're saying the simpler an organism is, the better chance it has to survive, even though it may never be the dominant specie on a planet?" Dib asked.

"Uh-huh. The dinosaurs had it all. The right food, plenty of it, the right environment. It took an average global temperature drop of just ten degrees before they started dying off in mass numbers. And meanwhile, the bacteria that lived in the soil barely noticed this change."

"Okay, so the dinosaurs were over-evolved. What does this have to do with anything?" Dib demanded.

"I just wanted to make sure you understood that being big and mean and the best isn't always a good thing." Zim replied. "Now, I can let you in on the big, universal game nature plays on everything that lives. But you probably don't want to know."

"Know what?"

"You're all going to die."


	2. Chapter 2: Alice

Right, well Chapter 2 is up, and we're moving right along. Lost yet? This chapter might clear things up a bit for you. If these ideas peak your intrest, check out some books on chaos theory or run a search on Mandelbrot and Koch. Read on, and find out why we're really DOOMED.

_Note: I don't own Invader Zim, or "Through the Looking Glass". The Red Queen Effect is an actual biological theory, but it's not mine. _

CHAPTER 2: Alice

Dib sat, staring at the profoundness of Zim's lecture. He had no idea that zim was actually, well, intelligent. He was also hit by Zim's last statement, and brooded over the meaning of it for some time. Zim casually walked over, dropping down on the couch, next to Dib.

"Dib-human, have you ever read _'Through the looking glass'_?" Zim asked.

"Yes. Many times." Dib answered. "Why?"

"Do you remember what the Red Queen tells Alice about keeping up?" Dib narrowed his eyes behind his glasses.

"Uh...yeah. She says something like, 'You have to run as fast as you can to stay in one place,' right?"

"Yeah. It applies to biology so much, they have a name for it. It's called the Red Queen Effect, and basically says that all organisms must adapt and evolve constantly, just to remain in their current standing in their world. Just to stay alive. Everything that lives is like Alice, running, running, just to stay in one place. Just to keep from retrograding into extinction. For a virus, this is easy. A virus can mutate drastically from one generation to the next, becoming immune to vaccines, or even going from bloodbourne to airbourne if it has to. How easy would it be for a human female creature to have a child who is immune to deadly toxins in the air and water, or better suited to a completely new diet?"

"It's...impossible." Dib said. "It would take generations."

"Face it, Dib, humans aren't biologically prepared to accept a new form of survival, and the poisons being pumped into your air and water every day, the dangers of your filthy diets, and the global warming your scientists are screaming about all make it a necessity. Humans are the new dinosaurs, and millenia of invention, sentient thought, and group mentality don't make up for the fact that you're altering your world alot faster than you can evolve to survive in it. Oh, you're running, but not nearly fast enough."

"So you weren't just trying to scare me. We're all gonna die?" Dib asked nervously.

"By my calculations, within the next thirty years." Zim said. "That is the point where human life will begin to be overcome by the unihabitable world it helped to create."

Dib was silent in his horror. He shook his head in disbelief, and turned to the stoical Zim.

"No. I can't believe it, I...we..." He took a deep breath. "Can't we stop it?"

"Oh, you always could. People, I mean. You've known for years that you're slowly killing yourselves. But what has changed? Nothing. Nobody really cares that they've destroyed the only place they have to live. Humans are sentient beings, Dib. Sentient beings with an overwhelming sense of greed. Why not die tomorrow if you can be rich today, huh?"

"Why are you telling me all this?" Dib asked, burdened with this new knowlege.

"Because," Zim said, "it kind of got to me after a while. You wanted to save this planet so bad. I watched you get beaten up in school for trying it. I watched you becoming more and more isolated from the rest of humanity trying it, and, well, it ate at me after a while. It didn't bother me so much that you wanted to protect a people who had already turned their back on you, but that you were pretty much fighting over and suffering so much for something that was already in its death throes. I had to tell you."

"So what is there now?" Dib asked forlornly. "Your race can save us?"

"Only by completely ruling you." Zim replied.

I know this was a bit short, but I think it was to the point. And now you know where the title of the story comes from, and have an idea where it's going. I warned you this story would be scientific, didn't I? It gets better, though. Some R&R would be rather nice. And I don't mean rest and relaxation. I have too much Monster brand Chaos drink in me for that.


	3. Chapter 3: Hope

CHAPTER 3: Hope

_Okay, my friends, my dear readers, this is the third and final chapter of Red Queen. Before you begin accusing me of making Dib really OOC for his actions in this chapter, first ask yourselves what choice you would make in his place. I don't own Invader Zim, but Tak __is__ my secret mistress. Oops, hahaha. Anywho, enjoy chapter 3_

"I'm sorry, Dib. Irkens have conquered many worlds. Some were prosperous and peaceful, and not self destructive at all, and others were on the same path as Earth, but Earth alone," Zim sighed and shook his head from side to side. "Earth is the worst yet."

"And if Irk conquers Earth?"

"Then we'll force the concepts of full solar and nuclear power, fully automated production, and global unity down your filthy throats, and make you suffer the effects of no pollution, no racism, synthesized food and interstellar travel.

"But humanity will have to serve the Irken race, right?"

"Pretty much, yes. But humans are so inferior, you'd never serve us any good. In fact, Earth is so out of the way, that we'd probably use it as a spaceport, converting your planet into basically an intergallactic stopover for travel between systems. You'd have a pupet government, a leader who answers to the Tallest."

"But we'd get the benifits of it, right?" Dib asked suspiciously.

"Oh, yes. You'd have access to the technology to fly to other worlds, teleport yourself anywhere on the planet, have personal robot drones at your service, things like that. And by the way, we discovered long ago how to extend our lives by centuries, using cybernetics. It would be a helpful technology for a race of short lived creatures like yourselves to have."

"You know, Zim, I've never thought of things that way before. I just wanted so bad to save the Earth from alien monsters, that I never realized that the real threat came from my own race. I guess I kind of...you know, overreacted."

"Irkens do make treaties, you know."

"Yeah, I guess that makes sense. Listen, I...I just want to say...I'm sorry. And...well, on behalf of Earth," Dib held out his hand, "welcome, our saviors." Zim took his hand in friendship.

"You really want this?" Zim asked. "No more fighting?"

"Believe me, humanity won't go as easy." Dib said. "But as for me, I now serve the Irken empire. But one more thing."

"Yes?"

"If you lied to me about your intentions..." Zim nodded, then turned as a giant screen slowly lowered from the ceiling. It clicked on, showing two Irkens, much taller than zim.

"My Tallest," Zim said, saluting."Allow me to present to you the ambassador from Earth,

Dib." Dib stepped forward, mimicking Zim's salute.

"My Tallest." He said respectfully. "I cannot speak for ALL of my race, as they are quite inferior in intellect, and crude in habits, but we are in need of the greatness that your race can bring to our world."

"You wish to serve the Irken empire then, Earth...thing?" The Tallest in red asked.

"Yes, your excellence." Dib replied. "All we ask for in return is to enlighten us with your wisdom, and bring us out of darkness before we destroy ourselved in our ignorance." The two Tallest looked at each other, then whispered back and forth for a few moments. Then, the Tallest in purple cleared his throat.

"Ahem. Very well," He said. "We will accept this offer. Your race will serve under the Irken banner, and in return, we'll...at least give you enough technology to get up to date with the rest of the civilized systems. Then we'll go from there. How's that sound? Or can we blow you up instead?"

"Nono, that won't be neccessary." Dib said, half panicked.

"Awww, ookaay." Purple said, dissapointed. "We'll send a fleet over as soon as possible, kay?"

"Thank you, my lords." Dib said, bowing.

"Any certain method?" The Tallest Red asked. Zim stepped forward.

"Use...protocol Z-941 when conquering, my Tallest."

"Will do, Zim. And, by the way, good job. We never though you'd actually be able to ready a world for invasion."

"It wasn't so hard." Zim said. "This planet needs us more than you know." He looked at Dib, and they both nodded slightly in understanding. "More than you know."

_So what did you think? We will be our own downfall, and only the Irkens can save us. Not a concept I've seen alot of, but I think it works. I hope you can all take something away from this story, maybe it will make you think about our negative impact on our only stellar home, Earth. Or maybe, it will just be a good story in your eyes, maybe not. Cheerio for now_


End file.
